Q:I'm trans* but I've tried to steer away from the DR gender drama as much as I can, because I personally and as a preference to myself, don't *like* to fetishize, don't *like* to romanticize this part of me. I don't like any of it at all, but now seeing all my friends contribute to it makes me feel even less of a person than I used to before. Like I'm not even fitting the trans* criteria. I hate to think it but I guess I'm just "neutral."
I’m answering publicly because this is anon and I want to make it clear that I respect and feel empathy for this viewpoint.
Anon, I’m not in the DR fandom. I’m in this foofarah because someone was hurtful to a friend of mine.
But for yourself: we all need to set boundaries. A corollary to my original post is that not all people process in the same way.
It took me a really long time to figure out that my thought processes and my feelings and my writing, concerning mental illness and pain, were okay; that they were liberating to myself and others.
But at the same time, not everyone is going to find the same things liberating. NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME EXPERIENCES. Not everyone has to process in the same way.
If your friends are making art that isn’t helpful to your processing your own experiences, remember that you can make art which *is* helpful to you.
Or, if you’re not ready to process those experiences at all, you are allowed to raise a wall around yourself. You are allowed to use Tumblr Savior to avoid certain tags; to tell your friends that YOU, PERSONALLY aren’t able to deal with the things they’re making.
Remember that your feelings are yours, and your experience of the world is yours, and you’re allowed to close the door on things that bother you, or talk to people about them.
The place where it becomes a problem is when people try to tell other people, no, you can’t write that, you can’t draw that, you can’t say that.
Instead, try saying “I’m personally uncomfortable with this as someone with similar experiences who doesn’t process them in the same way, and I need you to tag your shit so that I don’t have to deal with things that make me uncomfortable.”
or, if the problem is needing social support that you don’t have: “If you also don’t deal with things this way, and deal with them in another way instead, please keep me company and we can talk about it together.”
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